Curtis Nielsen — His Wife Was Killed Instantly, But Forgiveness Came Just As Quick

Curtis Nielsen got the early morning call everyone dreads. "Come quick."

His sweetheart, Missy, had just been hit by a car while on her morning walk with her best friend. Within minutes Curtis was saying goodbye to his wife on the side of the road, then embracing — literally and figuratively — the man who hit her.

This true story of overcoming tragedy and finding love again will hug your soul and not let go.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to Right Where You Are, hosted by New York Times bestselling author, creator, and speaker, Jason Wright. With inspiring guest interviews and Jason's unique lens on life, this is the place to see the good in the world, to lift and be lifted, no matter your starting point, to make a difference that matters. And we'll do it all together, right where you are.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Hello, friends. This is Jason Wright and welcome to Right Where You Are. If this is your first episode, or perhaps you haven't missed a second yet, I'm glad you're here and hope that you feel welcomed and loved and appreciated because you are. When I started this podcast, or rather, when I first began noodling over the idea a couple of years ago, I knew that I wanted to tell the kinds of true stories that might sound like they were ripped from the pages of my novels, which are fiction, of course. One of the joys and really the freedoms of writing fiction is that you get to put your characters through tough trials, unthinkable challenges, and then you let them suffer and struggle and claw their way out to a better place. And then at the end of the day, or the book, I suppose, no matter what your fictional characters have been through, will you and the readers know that it was all fiction anyway? And so while the characters and the settings and the situations aren't real, the lessons certainly are. And in a strange way, today's guest and his story feel to me like something that I would imagine and then write as fiction and then share to teach and perhaps maybe inspire. But what you're going to hear today isn't fiction at all. It is a remarkable story of tragedy and forgiveness and faith and healing. Our guest today is Curtis Nielsen. Curtis, welcome to Right Where You Are.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Thank you, Jason. Good morning.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

All right. Let's uh let's set this up. Uh Curtis, tell us a little bit about your family, your life, and maybe what the morning of May 6, 2020, look like in the hours or minutes even before your lives changed so suddenly.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

I live in a small town of Rigby, Idaho. Um, I've up to May 6, 2020, uh, my family consisted of me and my wife, Melissa, or Missy, as everybody called her, and then my four kids, Trinity, Daphne, Ivan, and Victor. Uh we have lived here for 13 years. Uh, we were just like any other family. We did our daily things. Uh, I work uh out uh at a what's called the Idaho National Laboratory. Um Missy stayed home, took care of our kids, and we just had a normal life, you know. We had the normal things, kids going to school, the kids had their different activities dance, sports, uh, a lot of the things that you just see in a normal, quiet neighborhood. Missy and I had been, we got married in uh August of 2001. Um, we had a really short courtship. We basically started dating in March, and we were married by August of that year. So it was one of those, as soon as I saw her, I knew I was in trouble. She is a really good influence on me. She had uh pushed me through school. Um, I got I have a master's degree, and um all along she was the my biggest cheerleader. She she basically uh I won't say forced me, but really encouraged me to go to school because I hate formal school. So, you know, a lot of by all accounts, uh all the way up to May 6th, um, we looked just like a normal everyday neighborhood family. 2020 was an interesting year. We uh had the obviously the pandemic started. Um, we were kind of still figuring out this was early on. Um in the pandemic, we were kind of figuring out the kids were homeschooled, uh, there was a lot of stresses there. Um Ivan, my oldest son, uh had had some depression issues um that had really tried us, and a lot of it was tied to, you know, he's a very social kid, and he couldn't visit with a lot of his friends like he had usually. So we were just figuring it out. And one of the things that uh Missy had done for uh quite a few years was she would go for a morning walk uh with one of her really good friends that just lives down the street. And I and I live in a subdivision that uh the house is a little bit further apart, um, that we all are on one-acre lots, and it it's a nice street to just go for a walk. There's no sidewalks or anything, it's just a street. The morning of May 6th, uh, what we had planned that day um was I was gonna take the day off from work. So my work is 70 miles away from where I live. So usually I get up uh and I'm out of the house by five o'clock in the morning and I get on a bus to go to work. Um May 6th, we had decided to do a bunch of yard work. We had to do some flower beds and uh I had rented a tractor um that day. So unlike normal, uh I was home that morning. Uh I was still I was sleeping in, as I call it in, uh, and my plan was to wake up at six instead of four in the morning. So I uh so Missy got up at her usual wake-up time to go for her walk, which is about quarter after five. Um, I heard her get up. She did her thing getting ready for her walk with her friend, and shortly before 5:30, she, you know, came out, said goodbye, uh, said I loved her, and then um I kind of rolled over to go to sleep. Not too long after, I got a panicked phone call from her friend that she walks with. And I I don't remember much of what was said, uh, other than you need to get here, Missy's been hit. I knew it was bad by the tone in her friend's voice. Uh so I, you know, I don't know. I don't think I tied my shoes. I'm not even sure if my shoes matched. And I I got in my little car and I didn't have to drive far. I found uh Missy, uh, her friend and a neighbor of mine, my next door neighbor. My neighbor was on the phone. Uh Missy was on the side of the road, uh, and my neighbor had inadvertently hit her um while he was driving to work. I didn't know it at the time, I didn't know what happened, but later I learned that it was just from inattentive driving or distracted driving, trying to plug his phone into his phone cord. And a lot of times I think in fiction uh or things we see on movies, you know, you get to a situation like that, and there's a lot of uh I'll say chaos or screaming or whatever. And it was a it was a feeling of peace that I can say I didn't expect. When I got there, uh I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and we have what we call blessings. I immediately went to give Missy a blessing, and as soon as I put my hands on her head, I knew that she was gonna pass on. I knew or she had passed on, I knew she wasn't gonna come back. I felt just that much more peace. Um I knew that you know uh it was what was supposed to be for her and for us. Uh I obviously I was very sad. I still this day it's one of those uh moments that's hard to live through. Um and she was banged up. I mean, it I knew it was bad as soon as I saw her, but as soon as I put my hands on her head, I knew she wasn't coming back. Um and as soon as I I don't know what happened, the the police officer he he uh he showed up, he started administering CPR, and he was there very quickly. I mean, if you read the police reports, he was there within just a couple minutes, two or three minutes after the 911 call. So uh it was an interesting, like looking at the time frame, uh time seemed to kind of stop and hold still there for a while. Right as soon as the police officer got there, the first thing that came to my mind was uh my neighbor. Um, and I'll tell you a little bit about Lincoln. Um, he comes from a he's got a family um that has a lot of illnesses in it. The his wife has a degenerative disease that'll eventually take her life, and him and his wife had already lost their oldest son, and their two other boys uh have the same genetic uh disease that took their oldest son. And my my thoughts went to him immediately of you know, if I was him, how terrible would I feel, and all the adversity he had. And I just went over to Lincoln and I hugged him. And I the only thing I remember saying was, you know, we're here in this together, and uh don't beat yourself up. I think that's what I remember saying to him. And then really the rest of the day was kind of a blur for me. I I don't remember much, and I think the feeling on the site, you have to know Missy. She was one of those people that's just very caring. She reached out to people that uh were the underdogs or were forgotten, or she just was such a serving and loving person. Um and to me, to this day, that peace that I felt that morning and that was there on that site, I think was her presence. I think she was there uh helping us understand that everything was gonna be okay, right? And that's one of those things that to this day, um, a lot of people ask me, how do you and your family do it? And I credit that to those few moments uh that morning.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

So it sounds to me like there wasn't even a decision to make that that you just knew all along, almost as if the decision had been made. You know, you probably were, I assume, raised by wonderful parents, you have this wonderful wife. And so it's interesting to hear you tell a story where I would think that there's this pivot point there at the scene when you have to make this critical decision, you know, will I go hug this man? Will I forgive him? But it sounds to me like that had already been done, that there really was no decision to make.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't even a thought. It was just uh, oh, you know, I I need to let him know that everything's gonna be okay and that there's no ill feelings there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

How is the how's that friendship? I assume he's still your neighbor.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Yeah, he is. Um, we're still next door neighbors. Um, really, it's the pretty much the same uh as it was before, you know. Before we uh he and I both work on cars, uh we still exchange tools time to time if we're working on a project. Um, you know, we still wave and help each other uh periodically, you know. If like uh if he's got something going on with this fence, um I'll help him. Or if I have something over here that I need help help with lifting, uh we'll help each other out. It's it the only thing that changed was I think uh Lincoln still had uh and still maybe a little bit, still has um not fully forgiven himself of it, you know. And I understand I I would have a hard time forgiving myself too, but I think time has helped.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

So and how are your kids doing? Was it easy for them to forgive, as easy as it was for you? And and how are they doing today now or year later?

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah, actually, I don't think my kids ever felt ill feelings. Um if they see him, they'll talk to it, uh wave to him. And it again, it was just that's just something that happened, and nothing really to be angry about with my kids.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

So unbelievable. I just can't wrap my head around never doubting. You have no regrets. You've never once over the last year said to yourself, man, I wish he would just sell his house and move. Or maybe we should sell our house and move. Have you?

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Yeah, so um, no, we we haven't uh sold our house, but I did I knew early on uh like shortly after that um I couldn't stay in my house just for the reasons that it it is Missy's house, and that part is is painful. Um there's lots of things that remind me of her, or you know, this this is the place where we've been for years, so we are in the process of actually selling our house now just because that's for us. It has nothing to do with uh Lincoln uh being next door, Lincoln and his family.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

So that is remarkable. Missy must just be so proud in a humble and righteous way of how you and the kids have navigated, don't you think?

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Yeah, I think so. I think a lot of that has is to her credit too. Uh I I think the kids saw how caring and loving and how she would care for people or make sure people were taken care of, no matter what their situation or station in life is. And it's something I learned from her too. Um, you know, we we were married for uh uh 19 years, and I learned a lot from her that way.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

So I suspect that if the roles were reversed, she would have handled this in exactly the same way. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Yeah, I think so. I think um she probably would handle even better. She would have probably taken dinners more over to the Lear family and and just been so outpouring, you know, just she we just sort of outpoured her love.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

So it's one thing to forgive, you know, the neighbor in the driveway, um, or to, you know, see him around town or at church and and to teach your children that principle. It's another thing to show up in court and to become a part of the legal process. Tell us about that.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah, so uh shortly after the event, maybe two, three weeks afterwards, the uh county prosecuting attorney contacted me and said, Hey, you know, we want to come in and talk to you about um vehicular uh manslaughter charges. And so I went in and talked to him. And he he basically explained why it was important to go through the process um uh for for the sake of justice, right? And um from that very first meeting, I said, I I you have to understand uh Lincoln's situation. Anytime if there is jail time, he doesn't have much time with his family. You know, in a matter of 10 to 12 years, his family uh won't be with him, he'll be by himself. And to have any time that he could be behind the bar behind bars is time that would be away from his family. And then on top of that, he's the primary caregiver for all the family. Uh and that would just make that situation so much harder. You know, the prosecutor was a great man. Uh, I have a lot of respect for him. And he said that you know, he was gonna work on it and then uh work through the process. Um, so fast forward a few weeks, um there was the hearing, and uh not only me, but uh Missy's family, her parents, her siblings, um, all were very supportive that you know, nothing that if we could, we would do all we could to make sure that Lincoln didn't have uh any kind of criminal charges, or uh, you know, we wanted what was best for Lincoln. Uh, and we wanted to make sure that the judge knew that. I think it's out in the public realm at this point, but the process of that hearing was one of those blessings that to me at the time at first I was a little concerned that the prosecuting attorney was going to press charges because there was that uncertainty. I didn't know you know what the consequences were for Lincoln's family. And I felt that Lincoln had already paid and had so many consequences for something that a lot of us have done, and it's such a minor thing most of the time, with zero consequences of just reaching over to plug our phone into our car while we're driving. And he'd paid such a high price for that. So when I we got to the hearing, um one of the things that uh as we got into the process that really I thought was a blessing and and really helped me have confidence in you know other people and and how good people really are was the judge heard both sides. Um, and I was on the prosecuting attorney side, and I talked about just what I just said of hey, you know, there's no ill fillings, Lincoln didn't have any malice in his heart, and it was just an accident. Uh, it was one of those things that just happens. And um, the judge heard heard his side uh as the defense. And in the end, the judge gave what I thought was a very merciful uh ruling uh where both justice and mercy were served. Um, you know, the judge basically put him on a year of probation. Uh he had it made six months counseling available to him, so that was a blessing there that it helped Lincoln with um having that help available. And then at the end of it, it wouldn't be something on his permanent record, and that was also such a blessing because, like I said, he's the primary caregiver for his family, and that was so important to me. I, you know, to me, the consequence of such a minor mistake was already so high to have something permanently with him on a legal record was not something that I wanted to have happen.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

So I assume your kids are well aware of of these decisions that you made throughout the process. And have you have you taken time, I'm sure that you have, to teach them these principles to help them understand, you know, why you went to court and why you advocated on his behalf?

SPEAKER_02 20:24

Yeah, the older ones definitely understand. And in the process, I explained to him that, hey, I related it back to the gospel of, hey, you know, there's things that happen in our lives, we we make mistakes, and um sometimes uh we need someone to help or intercede for us, just like our older brother Jesus Christ did. And so that that was something that I did teach as we were going through the process of and try to explain and help them understand of here's why I'm doing it, is because it's just the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

So and I bet that your your wife has continued to do a little bit of teaching and nurturing and nudging along from the other side. Okay, uh probably a lot.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Yeah, she has. I think, especially with my oldest son, uh, like I mentioned before, he he's had some depression and over the last year, um I've seen an improvement in him. Yes, we've had counseling and the kids have gone there, but some of it I think is just um her presence and his maturing of uh understanding how important it is to be like his mom and to live like his mom.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

So speaking of your kids, unbelievably, I think, a year to the day after your wife's passing, there was a pretty scary incident at your children's school. Tell us about that and how the community responded.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

So a year to the day, I got a phone call while I was at work that uh there had been a shooting at school. Um I my oldest son or oldest son Ivan uh goes to the rugby middle school and I texted him. And in that moment, I didn't feel like that he was in any danger. Uh, you know, call it parent intuition, whatever, but I felt everything was gonna be okay. And maybe Missy had something to do with that. But you know, it was it was an exciting day, and kind of going along with uh how good of a community I live in. Um there was a lot of uh I'll say outreach and and even forgiveness for the shooter, uh and I think that's a real testament to where I live. Uh and even my son said, you know, dad, I I hope she's okay. I hope that she gets the help that she needs.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

So what in the world was going through your mind when you got that phone call? Um I mean it was a hard day anyway.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

I just thought I mean, you know, I need to figure out where Ivan is. Yeah, it was. We I had intentionally sent the kids to school that day uh because I wanted it the the that day to be as normal as possible, you know. We had plans to go to the grave, we had plans to do things, but I wanted to be as normal as possible. I wanted my kids to go to school, and I did. I debated not sending my kids to school and just staying home. But to me, it was important that uh we keep moving forward. And yes, it was something that was uh devastating and it it it changed our lives forever, but it's also something that we needed to keep moving forward uh on, and so I did. I sent my kids to school and I went to work.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

So yeah, that's that's that's just remarkable. Um I can't I I can't again, I just can't wrap my head around the um you know the the odds of that are just yeah stunning. Um all right.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

I uh I uh May 6th isn't my favorite day.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

No, I bet. I bet. Well, um, you do have what might be one of your new favorite days coming up in the future, I understand, because you're engaged, correct?

SPEAKER_02 24:46

That is correct.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Congrats awesome. Oh, September 2nd. Oh, well, I was married on September 1st, so you're in a good week there. Uh tell us tell us about her. How'd you meet and and has she has she played a role in helping you through this?

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Yeah, her her name's Kelly. Um, we actually met. Um there was a peop uh article in People magazine about the incident. Um, and her mom had read the article, and uh Kelly has not been married before. She's in her early 40s, and her mom felt really impressed to write me a letter and say, Hey, you should look up my daughter and ask her out. And this was uh uh October.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Uh Wow, way to go, mom.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Yeah, so I got the letter uh in in mid-October. And for us, uh November is actually a really hard month. Uh my birthday, my oldest daughter's birthday, and Missy's birthday are all in that month of November, and then Thanksgiving on top of that. And so, and it was also the six-month anniversary uh of the accident in early November. So November of 2020 was a lot of uh both grief and healing, um, and and some of those hard firsts of having uh a birthday or birthdays all in such a short period of time. So I got the letter in October, and it was one of those things that when I got it, I was just like, is this, you know, is this really happening? Can it this is one of those things that you I I think of a Hallmark movie and go, okay, that's cheesy. Uh, but I I didn't do anything with the letter for six weeks, just like I said, because number one, I was kind of like in awe. Um and some of that awe stems from uh I had known that I sh was going to get remarried at some point, and I some weeks before that letter came, I had um I had prayed that, hey, if I'm supposed to get married, can you you know I I don't want to do the online dating thing, I don't want to do the the blind dates and all that stuff. And I I just had prayed and said, you know, quite literally my prayer was answered with a letter. Um and anyway, I made contact with her. Oh, and we got COVID in the month of November as well. Uh so it was November of 2020 was a tough month. And when we came out of uh our uh isolation or whatever quarantine from COVID, I finally decided to reach out in early December to Kelly. And you know, we I reached out in an email. Um, she responded back, and then pretty much from that day forward, we talked on the phone or Skyped. Um we met for our first date uh shortly before Christmas of 2020, and then pretty much from that point forward, everything's been really great. Um I think she is one of those people that is just good through and through, and it's been uh good not only for me, but as she's got to know my kids to have a another positive influence uh in their lives. And for me, she she gives me strength and hope that hey, um this is moving forward is is important and that there's good in people again.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

So so that is pretty exciting. Are the kids excited about nuptials in the fall?

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Yeah, I think um they are excited, they have taken to her. Um and it's easy if you know if you ever meet Kelly, she's one of those really great people that are just really easy to be around and to to love.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

So well, I would love to meet her someday, and I'm sure that um there will probably be some tough days ahead as as you know that the blending into the family begins. Um I wish that people listening today to the podcast could see you the way that I can. You know, we're doing this interview by Zoom and obviously using only the audio, but it gives me the opportunity to see this remarkable smile and a light in your eyes, even as you talk about the hardest things that any mortal would ever go through on this journey to lose their sweetheart and love of their life in that way. And your everything about you, your your voice and your countenance tells me that um I think God knew this was coming for a really long time. And I think that you have been prepared for longer than you know, longer than any of us know, and and raised up in a way for this moment, for this trial and tragedy, so that you would be ready to deal with it, I think the way the savior would. And isn't that what we're trying to do is to be more like him um to love and forgive and to take everything that the world can throw at us and to do it with poison grace. And again, it's just so remarkable to me that you have been able to do this, um, not just survive a tragedy emotionally and spiritually, but to to almost thrive through it and to learn from it and and to be so willing to talk about it with the world in such an open and you know authentic way, I think is just such a miracle. So I know uh you've listened to the podcast, so you know what's coming. We get to the last two questions. You're smiling right now because you know this is the pop quiz, right? I mean, everything rides on this, yeah. Um, your thank you basket in the mail only comes to you in a few days if you nail the last two questions. So Curtis's on, yeah. All right. Um, so the name of this podcast, right where you are, W-R-I-G-H-T where you are. What what does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Uh for me, what that means is um see the blessings and see the good right where you are. I appreciate the kind words you said, uh, but I I think of myself of just a normal person, and I think a lot of people would do exactly what I did. And I think that starts with seeing the blessings and seeing the good right where you are. That's uh such a key to life. Um I've lived in the northeast, the Midwest, and and now out here on the West, and I've loved every place I've lived, and it's because um I see the blessings and the good where I am, uh right where I am. So that's to me what that is, is just enjoy and and see the blessings and the love and the good right where you are.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Hmm. Well, you're you're generous to you know, to me and to those listening, uh, to say that you think, you know, many of us, most of us, might respond that way. But I'm I'm not sure that's true, but I know that's the answer that a humble that a humble man gives. All right. Well, as compelling as this has been, we know that um over time people will will get busy and move on and deal with their own, you know, trials and challenges in life. And and by golly, as much as we want them to remember every word we've spoken, they won't. So what is the one thing? What is the one thing that you want folks today and even me to remember about Curtis Nielsen and your journey? What's the one thing?

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Uh I think the one thing that should be remembered is to love your neighbor. Um and that's really where it starts with my story is if you can put yourself in your neighbor's shoes and love your neighbor, all those things, forgiveness, all that stuff becomes so much easier.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

That was so good. Oh, that was so good. Love your neighbor, your neighbor and your actual neighbor. Love your neighbor. Right. Amen to that, brother. Well, you know what? I think you're in the gift basket with that. I think the thank you basket is coming your way. I I can't thank you enough for uh giving us some time. Uh, listeners should know this is your day off. You should be with your kids um outside wrestling in the front yard or doing something exciting uh on your day off. So thank you for giving us a few minutes today uh and carving out some time to share uh not just a bit of your story, but a bit of your soul. And I think I can speak for everyone listening to this episode when I say that we are better off for it. Thank you. Thank you, Jason.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

Thank you for joining us on Right Where You Are. For more information about Jason and his projects, visit him online at jasonfright.com or on social media at facebook.com slash JFW Books, or on Instagram at Jason F. Wright. And be sure to subscribe to Right Where You Are, wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. This has been a production of Wright Media Productions, Copyright 2021 by Jason F. Wright. All rights reserved.